Weekends, finances and other stuff

So I won't be able to afford to go home until September.  We just don't have the money, after several emergencies that have come up.  I have to admit, I don't have much of a social life out here anyway...I mostly stay in the apartment on weekends and play WoW or write.

I ventured to the mall to pick up a CD I've been wanting, and I almost changed my mind when it took me 15 minutes to find a parking spot.  Malls scare me in general, and this one is no exception.  It's tough being here alone...I worry that little girl will forget me.

That thought usually puts me in tears almost immediately.

I am hoping something else comes up...cause I really, seriously, hate being out here by myself.  If I had someone to hang out with, or even talk to about stuff that's not work-related, it'd be easier.  I miss being able to come home and talk to J...I miss being able to turn and tell him something.  There are times I wake up and roll over, expecting to feel him lying beside me.

Those are the worst nights...those and the nights I wake wanting to check on little girl and realize she's 1800 miles away.  I guess that's one excuse for why my sleep schedule is so screwed up.  Given my own schedule, I stay up till 2 AM, and sleep till 2 PM.  Not the best schedule for proper sleep, but I can't seem to help myself.  I dread sleep...because I have no control over my dreams. 

I'm getting by, but the thought that I won't be able to even consider going home till September makes me so depressed, I can hardly stand it.  I know we need this for our family...but it truly kills my spirit.  I will hang on out here because I have no choice...until things either work out as I am hoping and we can be reunited again, hopefully separated for the last time.